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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in desideratum's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003
3:30 pm
This and That
The older I get, the faster time speeds on ahead of me, without me. Time is NOT on my side.

I used to be broke and poor because I drank all my money away, but now I'm just broke and poor because there are too many bills to pay, and no money to drink with. Maybe I used to drink instead of pay my bills. At least being a drunk had its ongoing temporary pleasures, although it created more problems in the end ... but I may soon get paid for drinking and driving! (that is, taking a video game-like simulated driving test after consuming alcohol) if I qualify for the study. Should be about $50 from the University.

I was awoken by multiple sirens at 4:00 in the morning, this morning, and went to check on a horrible fire that had broken out in an apartment building near mine, but I couldn't see anything but flashing lights and water everywhere -- there must've been over 10 emergency vehicles! In the morning I walked by the charred remains of someone's belongings hanging out of burnt windows and the charred, melted skeleton of a couch and a bunch of burnt pieces of wood heaped in the front yard. Lots of empty beer cans and bottles out front, too. Maybe the punks passed out drunk with a lit cigarette. I used to see this crusty punk girl walking her two bulldogs going in and out of that apartment building all the time -- hope the one that caught fire wasn't hers. A construction worker sat on the steps after boarding up the windows and I asked her if anyone had been hurt in the fire. She hesitated, "Ahhhhhhhhhh ... ummm, I'm not sure." I think she knew and decided not to tell me anything. Fires are scary.

I am no longer in a rock 'n roll band, but my new area of concentration is a comic that I am working on. More on that later ...
Monday, April 21st, 2003
2:30 pm
is a
Plastic-Eating Assassin Monkey

...with a Battle Rating of 6.4

To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can
defeat drunkpunk, enter your name:

Monday, March 31st, 2003
6:16 pm
Can't stop listening to Television's album "Marquee Moon." OHMYGOD IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD!!! I can't get enough of it. I feel inspired. I got two days off and I['m going to clean this shithole of an apartment and work on art. Fuck yeahhhhhhhhhh.
Monday, March 17th, 2003
12:16 pm
For the Love of Saint Patrick!
I forgot that today is St. Patrick's Day, even though I put on a green shirt this morning. My girl is sick with a chest cold, so I think my night of drunken Irish mayhem might consist of sitting bedside with her, sipping on Jameson, but that's okay. I went and bought her this massive arrangement of flowers -- not for St. Pat's Day or because she's feeling under the weather, but it's something I've been meaning to do for a while now, and today seemed like a good day. It's a surprise, of course, and she won't see it until she gets home from work. It's a huge, crazy arrangement full of parrot tulips and roses, various orchids and a big artichoke amd lillies, too. It's epic!!! It might even make her cry ...
9:33 am
My Girl is the Cutest Girl This Side of the MIssissippi, at the Very Least ...
Went out the other night to the one renowned lesbian club in the area and shot pool, laughed at the karaoke singers, and danced with my girl to a random mix of hip-hop, techno and 80's shit. I love the modern jukebox there because when everyone's playing Melissa Etheridge and Ani DiFranco and all this horrible shit, I can override their songs with a little extra money and force all these lesbians to listen to several Nick Cave songs in a row. I think I'm going to start doing that with Eminem. That should go over pretty well. All these hot women from the local drag king troupe were there and I couldn't stop staring -- HOT HOT HOT!!! The trend seems to be that everyone at this club looks like a 14 year old boy, which is cool, but I like variety. My girl stands out from the bois with her sassy short skirt and mess of curls and bobby pins, little bow in her hair and sly smile.
9:17 am
Debut Stage Mayhem on the Horizon
LEKKER'S BACK IN TOWN!!! Ahhhhhhh, my ole pal of drunken debocherous summers' past is back in my city with her charm and grin and familiar ways. Yayyyyyyyy!!! We christened our meeting in the usual manner, wiht endless drinks and a substance binge -- as it should be!

There's a big show/party coming up where my band is going to play, and I'm really fucking excited! Our confidence is up after recording, and I think it's going to go really well. It's technically our first show, as the two songs we played at a party three weeks after our band started, doesn't really count.

I miss Lostrabbit, I do. You should be singing with us, man! I've heard you sing "Sonic Reducer" and it kicked ass!!! It's funny, that small artist gathering in our hometown that started so long ago where I heard you sing that ... I now know friends here in bands that actually play shows there. It must be huge at this point.
8:37 am
Rockus Tremendous
Sometimes things that are way too good to be true, which would never normally happen in a real-life setting, happen suddenly, out-of-the-blue. And isn't it fucking amazing?!

I've been practicing in a band with my girlfriend (on drums and occasional vocals) and my pal (on bass and vocals) (and I play guitar) for abaout 5 months, and we try to practice twice a week, although sometimes a couple of months will go by as our instruments collect dust, and we've never even played a show yet ... anyway, my pal and I work in this shop where one of the regulars -- a sweet, spacey, genuine, sort of mad-scientist of a man -- who happens to own a small recording studio, asked us to come in and play and cut a demo c.d. FOR FREE. He said, "It'll be fun, ya know! I need the experience and I'd like to hear you guys."

So we get there and set up and play, recording live but adding a second vocal track, and create this 5-song demo c.d. in the space of only a few hours, and it's like a fucking dream! The genius with the crazy hair is smoking pot and hash like a fiend, bent over this massive soundboard of a million knobs and buttons and plugs and whatnot, and we hear our songs transformed from this raw, shitty barrage of the noise that we always hear coming from a poor p.a. in a tiny practice space, to tight, cohesive, high-charged catchy songs of clear-vocaled screams (some even radio-friendly?) and all the while we're tipping back booze and grinning with disbelief and awe. It's not like the best band I've ever heard in my whole life, but damnit, it's kinda impressive!

What is there better in life than sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, I ask you? NOTHING.

Later the mad-scientist man said he even took our c.d. home with him and played it there. He said, "Of all the shots in the dark that I've taken with bands, your bandturned out to be the best. Not only was recording it fun and that it went really well, but I actually like your songs and the music you play."

I found out later that time in his studio is usually about $120 an hour.
8:25 am
I love the drugs of the fields of flowers, the drug with the most prominant stigma ... oh sleepy, dreamy lucid drifting and carelessness, shrugging at nausea and itchy skin, drooling and nodding and words of a sentence falling off into unintelligible oblivion, the lines and straws and spoons and spikes, pinned eyes and drooping lids, slurry dry voices, mouths sucking on hard candy and cigarettes, when all things of the world become incredibly interesting with child-like curiousity but are knowingly largely unimportant simultaneously ... "Nothing is true, everything is permitted ..."
Thursday, August 8th, 2002
10:34 am
you are a book called

dr. seuss book warped you?
Monday, August 5th, 2002
3:28 pm
Ahhhhh, I love weddings!!!
It's funny how weddings and funerals always occur around the same time ...

Two of my friends got married and it couldn't have been a better wedding! The bride was loaded and running about barefoot in the ankle-deep, soggy mud under the huge plastic, outdoor tent as the rain hammered down and tornados were sighted in the area. The groom got on stage and sang and played guitar with his band, putting the hired wedding band to shame. I sat with my girlfriend, exchanging hickies and marveling at the mayhem as the several-foot-high wedding cake slanted like Pisa's tower after part of the tent had fallen on it. Everyone was grinning and dancing in their sodden fancy clothes with shoes off and mud up to their knees. Glasses of wine and bottles of beer were up-ended at every table, and I began shoving rose petals into my mouth and spitting them out into the air and at my friends, co-workers, amd bosses faces. One of my bosses grinned and shoved petals into her mouth too, looking around slyly like the cat that ate the bird. The bride and flower girls, tough punk rockers, sat snarling and smoking all in synch, without even realizing their own comedy, swilling beer and taking pulls off of a flask of bourbon. The best man and company all wore expensive black clothing with studded belts and suspenders, their hair slicked back Rockabilly style -- one wore a wide white tie and cheetah creepers. I wore a slick satin wine red shirt and my girlfriend's eye-shadow matched! Hah! I had glass after glass after glass of white wine, and do not remember the ride home with my girlfriend and my bosses. I woke up in the morning to a pile of wet, reeking, muddy clothes and found a Transformer action figure in my pocket. My girlfriend explained that on the car-ride home, during my black-out, I accused my boss of driving drunk and of coming to work stoned and drunk, then talked graphically and elaborately about sex-changes. HAH HAhahahahahhhahahahha!!! Whoooh! No one seems to know where the Transformer came from, and I suspect that I drunkenly stole and pocketed it from this little boy that was part of the wedding, during my black-out. Whooooooooohhh, what fun! Everyone who went agrees that it's the best wedding they have ever been to, and the best party so far this summer. One of the flower girls proudly told me, "Mannnn, I was the last man standing, at the end of the night! I finished thee very last bottle of wine by myself, and went to sleep on the floor with a blanket that smelled like urine!!!" Ah, yes!! That's my friend!! What a grand fucking wedding! Like something from a movie!!! The bride and groom slunk off to Paris the next morning, leaving the bride's parents' house absolutely destroyed. Bon Voyage, mates! Yarrrrrrrrr!!!
Sunday, July 28th, 2002
7:09 pm
I'm walking drunk and grinning for blocks in the pouring rain, my shirt and pants soaked to the skin, and rivers of greasy water drip off my drenched hair and down my face. There's lightning and thunder and the sky grows darker, but I tilt my face up to the sky and laugh, and keep on walking home. I sucked down 4 Jameson drinks in 30 minutes. Hurrah for me!

I miss you, Zak. Fuckin' a. I want to get a tattoo of the train symbol, the Chicago Northwestern symbol, so I'll always remember you and how we jumped freight trains back and forth through town. How's it feel to be dead, Zak? What's it like? Where did ya go? How does it feel? Can ya see us grieving for you?!?!?!? Sean went to your accident sight to look for your car keys, but he couldn't get too close -- he stood 50 feet away, crying and vomiting from nerves. He cleaned yer whole house out and kept looking for you under the bed, behind chairs, around the corner ... where are you? Where did you go?!

I think and cry and I feel pain and sadness ... when you're dead you're gone and that's it. I think? I won't forget you, old pal ...
Saturday, July 13th, 2002
10:02 am
Back From Vacation!
In the Black Hills of South Dakota, I was, tooling through Custer State Park in my aunt and uncle's pick-up truck! I hiked the trail way up into the hills above Stockade Lake and pocketed sparkling mica rocks and crystals, took pictures of pine tree-filled valleys, and searched the rocks for sunning rattle snakes.

Rode a beautiful white mare horse named Cloudy for two hours on a trail ride and listened to metal horse shoes clank against rocks on the trail, the swish of tossed manes, creaking leather saddles, teeth against metal mouth bits, the snorting and blowing of air through huge horse nostrils, and felt the soft furry skin of my horse's neck. I watched how the horses dragged their back hooves as they traveled down steep hills, and I struggled to stay upright as my horse's hooves slipped and slithered on wet rocks when we crossed deep streams and creeks. I kept purposely holding Cloudy back a bit, as I was last in line, and, ignoring the trail guide's "no running or galloping" policy, would kick her sides and we'd charge up the side of a creek bed and gallop back into line. At one point the guide had to steer us off the trail and around the huge stature of a buffalo who stood staring at us with head lowered, horns pointed and ready to impale -- yikes!

Went fishing in Legion Lake with my aunt in the middle of a lightening/hail storm and downpour with this sweet fisherman who helped me with tackle and bait, and I cuaght two Rainbow Trout! Ate them fried, in the morning, with an egg/vegetable scramble and fruit salad with my parents and aunt and uncle.

Had the best time goofing with my aunt! She and my uncle are building a log house just outside of Custer, and with all the gravel roads and the hot dry dust ... we'd be sitting on the upper porch and hear a car on the gravel and see the dust rising in the distance, so we'd yell to each other, "MA?! PA?! Git yer gun!!! Thar's somebody comin' up the road!!!"

Befriended my aunt and uncle's beautiful dog -- took it for long walks and was amazed how it easily caought moles in the high meadow grass. It held them carefully in its mouth without hurting the creatures, thinking it was retrieving a careful prize for me. One day my uncle looked out to see it proudly marching up the lane with a young fawn in its mouth! My uncle ordered the dog to, "DROP IT!" Which the dog did, and the fawn ran back to its mother, unhurt.

Saw a great solitary shooting star in the night, and a beautful rainbow arcing across the prarie a different evening. I slept by myself in a little tent in the backyard and fell asleep to the sounds of coyotes howling and yipping from the hills every night. Watched a Golden Eagle circling above me and chased a little Kildeer bird down the road. Saw a marmot by a creek and antelope under the shade of a tree, and many, many, many deer.

Kept getting called "Sir" and "Son" everywhere I went, and grinned and shrugged it off. Ate a steak and drank red wine on my birthday. Fretted over the forest fires several miles away, and watched the blue sky grow hazey over the mountains.

Bought trinkets at WALL DRUG for all my friends, and drank the "5 cent coffee" and "free ice water" as advertised. Sent tons of postcards.

I definitely had one of the best and most memorable vacations I've ever had in my whole life, and it meant more to me than ever, because I almost didn't live to see my 30th birthday, due to the massive car accident I got into last year. Ahhhhhhhhh! Life IS good.

Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
9:48 am
Love is Good...
My girlfriend's back from her vacation and she's really cute and she brought a bouquet of totally unique striped roses for me while I was at work and she left marks on my neck and she looks hot hot hot in a short skirt and she's tan from the Southwestern sun and the color of her eyes matches her old faded jean jacket and I'm a sappy sonofabitch and I just love her so .... *sigh*
9:26 am
Oh, My Aching Liver!
Uhgh. Somebody put too much whiskey in my last night. I had a hellish 9 hour shift at work of non-stop busy insanity yesterday, so I went out with my girl and got fully blasted. Well fuckered. Whhoooohhoooohhhh!!! Bought us dinner and drinks with my stack of tips. Went to the dyke bar and shot some pool, plugged the juke, and laughed at my friends singing karaoke to an audience of maybe five. Don't remember how I got home and had sloppy drunk sex in the dark. Or was the light on? Hmmm. Anyway, it took a couple of aspirins, four glasses of water, and a big bowl of hot pasta to get my scheme of things back in order. Now I need to go back to sleep for another couple of hours before heading back to work. Saturday. Fuuuuuuck. The kids are gonna want many blended drinks that I'll want to pour on their heads, and the radio shows are horrible! Can't wait for tomorrow's two-hour punk show -- they always play Turbonegro and Johnny Thunders for me.

Current Mood: drunk
Thursday, June 20th, 2002
9:25 am
Karaoke for the Punks!
Whhhhooooohoooohhhhhh!!! Had a great time last night at Punk Rock Karaoke! My friend did an awesome "Girl You Want" by Devo and at the end I got up there on stage with her and this other guy and we sang "Do They Owe Us A Living?" by Crass. Man, what fun! The list of songs is pretty amazing ... maybe I'll get my nerve up to sing "Roadrunner" or "World Up My Ass" next time I'm there.
9:05 am
I had crazy dreams this morning -- I had this young female Native American guide and we were flying over roof tops in a poor neighborhood, then we were at sea, jumping over the side of a great frigget ship and swooping across the waves of the ocean, doing summersaults in the air and barely grazing the water -- just letting a little of the salty splash hit our faces. Then she performed a ritual on me and covered my face in a thin layer of clay and put marks on my face. I "passed out" in front of a fire in the dark and on my journey I walked down the sidewalk of a residential street where a Native American festival was going on, and I kept inhaling sage smoke, and my hair was long and straight and flapped against my face as I began to run. I was jumping up into the air and flying over rooftops again. Then I was with the girl again in her house with her family, and they were very poor. We went to a pawn shop and I stole this gun and hid it in the back of my pants. We went back to her house and were planning on shooting someone there who'd done somebody wrong, but I had to hide the gun in a hidden upstairs room near the attic, and couldn't go through with it. Back in the livingroom, the girl was doing her homework. The family had made dinner but the girl told her mother, "I don't really want anything -- maybe just a beer or some warm whiskey." The mother nodded but handed her a bowl of soup in a beat-up tupperware container on a tiny little China plate, and she ate it. I was not offered any soup but took a large pretzel from a bowl and sat quietly, taking a long time to eat it. At my feet were all sorts of kitsch Native neeedle point sewn things, and then I took flight and began to drift through the room. I flew across a large table and examined a row of metal coyote skulls. Then the girl turned into a boy with a scar from a cleft lip, and I kept hugging him goodbye. All his friends were there and his face was covered in acne scars but his eyes were bright. I flew out the screen door, over rooftops again, in a poor neighborhood where everything was old and wooden and sagging. It was dry and hot with a lot of dirt and dust and scattered pine trees.

Very interesting!
Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
8:44 pm
Summertime! YAR!
Ahhhhhh! There's a hip-hop show goin' on in the park near my apartment and I'm standing there like a jackass with my hands bleeding from the thorns, trying to pull a stem of roses from this rose bush. Been drunk most of the day, took a nap, then headed up to my work and refueled with a triple iced coffee. It's sticky humid hot and I'm wearing tight pants and furry shoes. Ack! The sky is ominous gray and a hot wind keeps hurling sand into my eyes. I stink of sweat and that makes me happy! Hahah. There are half-finished paintings scattered on newsprint all over the floor and I have to do this weird hopping dance to get to the toilet without stepping in paint or knocking over paintbrushes in paintwater. My girlfriend has been on vacation for a week and I miss her so goddamn much!!! She should be home late tomorrow night and I can't wait! I miss my sweetheart ...
2:55 pm
2:17 pm
Since everyone loves those on-line tests so much, someone ought to do "Which Talk Show Host Are You?" and "Which Game Show Host Are You?" I gotta say that Louie Anderson is the lamest game show host EVER. And Jerry Springer ... well ... fuck that guy!!!

I'm drunk ... heh.
11:33 am
Liquid Television ...
Does anyone remember on one of the first seasons of Mtv's Liquid Television, there was this awesome cartoon featuring this kid on a skateboard and it started out, "Stevie Washington, the angry youth ... New York's New York ... all crime!" Man, I've had no luck trying to locate it on the web to download it. Sucks! I really wanna watch that ...
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